Ellen Wernecke

What I'm working on, here and there. Contact me: egwernecke [at] gmail dot com.
Jul 09
Permalink
Jul 07
Permalink
Jul 01
Permalink
Jun 25
Permalink

The Lost Facebook Movie Treatment

BY A. Sorkin

DIRECTING NOTES BY D. Fincher

(not really)

INT. SOMEONE’S DORM AT HARVARD

MARK ZUCKERBERG walks and talks with HIS ROOMMATE WHOSE NAME DOES NOT MATTER as they both page through a paper face book.

HIS ROOMMATE: So are there lots of hot chicks in there?
MARK ZUCKERBERG: That’s what I’ve been searching for!

INT. GENERIC OFFICE IN CAMBRIDGE

A WINKLEVOSS, DOESN’T MATTER WHICH: So, we’re going to build a site where people can make fun profiles and put up pictures of themselves, and you’re going to be our awesome intern.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Hmm. (Eats animal crackers.)


INT. HARVARD DORM ROOM WITH WHAT LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA OUTSIDE

MARK ZUCKERBERG: I fixed all the problems in their interface, and ta da!
HIS ROOMMATE: Whatcha going to call it?
MARK ZUCKERBERG’s eye goes to the bookshelf where he can see his old freshman textbooks, and…
MARK ZUCKERBERG: The Facebook.


INT. GENERIC OFFICE IN SILICON VALLEY

MARK ZUCKERBERG: No wait—just Facebook.


“Hurdy Gurdy Man” plays as millions of people are shown signing up for Facebook.

TITLE CARD: Four Years Later

EXT: CREEPY MANHATTAN TOWNHOUSE. MARK ZUCKERBERG, who looks curiously younger, waits nervously as A WINKLEVOSS comes to the door.

A WINKLEVOSS: I told you, we’re going to sue you and we won’t stop until you’re dead.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Please, all I want is my old computer back and then I’ll pay you off quietly.
A WINKLEVOSS: Follow me.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Not many people have basements on the Upper East Side.
A WINKLEVOSS: I do.


MARK ZUCKERBERG believes he’s about to die but it’s only HELENA BONHAM CARTER with crazy hair.

INT. JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, WASHINGTON D.C.

SOME SQUARE WHO LOOKS LIKE DICK CHENEY: I want the truth about Facebook!
MARK ZUCKERBERG: You can’t handle the truth!
SOME SQUARE: You only created it to meet hot chicks without leaving your room, didn’t you?


MARK ZUCKERBERG delivers an impassioned speech about the founding of social media to be written later, but mostly it’s the best thing that ever happened to the entire universe and if it is allowed to be taken down, everything will be destroyed forever. THE WORLD accepts this without question.

EXT. U.S. CAPITOL
As a news reporter talks about the successful acquisition of the Internet by Facebook, MARK ZUCKERBERG crosses in front of an American flag with a single tear in his eye.

NARRATOR WHO HAS NOT APPEARED IN THIS MOVIE BEFORE, PLAYED BY EDWARD NORTON: I am Mark’s smirking revenge.


Iris out. Iris in on MARK ZUCKERBERG falling into an imaginary abyss chased by wodges of cash as “Where Is My Mind?” plays.

END.

Jun 19
Permalink
Since it’s Friday and I want my Tumblarity to go into negative numbers for the weekend: This is a real Criterion ad campaign running over at The Awl, and it is, as the kids say, made of win.
Since it’s Friday and I want my Tumblarity to go into negative numbers for the weekend: This is a real Criterion ad campaign running over at The Awl, and it is, as the kids say, made of win.
Jun 18
Permalink
Jun 17
Permalink
Jun 12
Permalink
Let’s review, Internet:
James Ellroy friended me on Facebook. My own mother has not. Maybe she’s trying to keep hers exclusive, what with only having 2 friends (my two sisters), but… burn.

Let’s review, Internet:

James Ellroy friended me on Facebook. My own mother has not. Maybe she’s trying to keep hers exclusive, what with only having 2 friends (my two sisters), but… burn.

Jun 11
Permalink
Permalink